Howitzers and flooding

So we had a pretty crazy weekend.
Friday night Joe got home and mowed the lawn – Good thing since it rained all weekend too! When he got done he was cranky and hungry of course. I asked where he wanted to go and got the usual response “I don’t care.” So, I suggested Red Lobster. He immediately said “I don’t want that.” HUH??? You just said you don’t care. But, I was like ok that’s fine what do you want then?? We head out to the car and he goes to the passenger side so I said I take it I’m driving? He says “yeah, I’m tired.” Well, so was I. I had come home and switched laundry, cleaned the kitchen and then went to the gym and worked out so he wasn’t the only one tired. I was mostly picking on him about making me drive but he got all upset and got out and went around trying to kick me out like he was going to drive instead. I put my seatbelt on and stayed in the car. When he got in I asked again where he wanted to go but said to go to Red Lobster but I was like, you don’t want to go there, we can go somewhere else. He said, I just want to go somewhere. I was just getting tired of him saying “I don’t care” for the millionth time then shooting down where I wanted to go. He never decides anymore then gets angry if I say I don’t care where we go. Well, he finally just decided he was going to stay home so he got out of the car so I said fine and drove off! It was the most stupid argument ever but why do I have to decide all the time? I ended up just driving to the lake which is about 30-45 minutes away. I found a little beach area and walked it for a bit. Found a catfish that was washed up to shore. I thought he was still alive because I saw his gills move so I tried to push him back out but he wasn’t swimming and just got pushed back up to the shore. I hung out for a bit then headed back to home. I took a different way home which was through a few small towns so I had to slow down more often and go down some dirt roads so it took a little longer to get home. I went by Burger King and got some food. I knew I shouldn’t get anything from fast food but I just said oh well and did it. I got the chicken sandwich meal and ate the sandwich and a few fries and maybe about a quarter of the diet Pepsi. I hadn’t had fast food in a while so it made my stomach feel funky. I got home and Joe didn’t say a thing to me so I went straight to bed and watched some TV. He came in about 30 mins later which was about 9:15pm by now and said he was leaving. He was going to a friend’s house to borrow his high speed camera for the next day. I watched TV for a bit longer then tried to go to sleep. I had a hard time sleeping though because I had a lot going through my mind, of course. I fell asleep but only for an hour or so. When I woke it was about 11:30 and he wasn’t home yet so I sent him a text asking if he was coming home…fifteen minutes later he still hadn’t answered so I tried again asking if he was ok. About a minute later I heard the car pull in the drive way. They had apparently started playing some game on the Wii and that’s why he was there so late. We talked a little about what happened earlier but I don’t think we ever really got anywhere with it. I tried to sleep but again was having trouble. I couldn’t for a while so I got up and got on the computer for a bit then came back to bed so it was about 2:30 or so in the morning by then. It took a while still but I finally fell asleep. Then at about 5:00 on the morning his phone started ringing and it was his work because the email wasn’t working (he’s IT for his work). He got up and had to take care of that and of course I couldn’t go back to sleep. I may have for about 30 minutes but that’s it.
Then our alarm started going off at about 6:00! I got up and took a shower and got ready. His parents were picking us up at 7:30 to go to Ft. Riley, KS. When their nephew, Ronnie, passed away last year in Iraq they have kept in touch with their casualty assistance officer since then and he invited them to go up and watch the Howitzers shoot. They invited us also so we were not going to miss out on that! It’s a couple hr drive plus we stopped and ate breakfast so we got there around 10:30 and a couple of the officers met us and gave us helmets and vests to wear then drove us to the area where they were shooting. It was just a huge field and they had about 10 or so of the howitzers spread out in the field waiting for orders to shoot. We got into a HumV and they took us out to them and we got to go inside the howitzers and they told us how they work and stuff. Most of the guys we met knew Ronnie and had been over in Iraq with him. We all got to sign one of the bullets that were going to be shot that day. We got to go inside a Cat which is the vehicle that stays with the howitzers and carries all of the ammunition. They took us back to the little camp area where they were waiting to get the howitzers to shoot. We got to have an MRE. It was sloppy Joes which Paul ate that and the rest of us just shared the crackers and bread that was in it. Mostly just to say we’ve tried it. The food wasn’t too bad…could be worse I guess. They were finally ready to shoot so they took us back out to the howitzers and we also got to see Ronnie’s best friend that was with him when he passed away. The first time they shoot the howitzers that put a 50ft lanyard (rope) on it and everyone stands back to fire it in case something blows up or goes wrong inside then nobody is in it yet. Well, they let Paul pull one and Joe pulled one on another howitzer. It was pretty cool because I didn’t even think we’d ever get that close to them anyways. But we were about 50ft away when it shot off.

By this time it was almost 4:00 so they took us back to our vehicle and we drove around the base and took a few pics of landmarks. One is the first capital of Kansas. We took a long way home and stopped to get some dinner. We had some really good chicken fried steak! I only ate about half of mine because I had a salad with it first. On the ride back I fell asleep for a few minutes but they would keep picking on me for sleeping so I didn’t sleep much. We got back home to check on Violet because a storm was supposed to be rolling in. His parents wanted to take us to see their house being built so we took Violet with us and drove over there. They have the concrete poured and the dirt filled back in around the house so it’s coming along pretty good. They brought us back home and came in for a bit then finally left around 11:00pm. I was so exhausted. We went to bed and I was out in no time at all. I slept sooo good that night and even slept in a while on Sunday!
We didn’t do a whole lot on Sunday. I made some waffles and had it with the fat free syrup. That stuff is so gross. I may go back to regular syrup. I know it’s not good for me but that other stuff is disgusting. I will just have to eat a lot less syrup or a lot less pancakes and waffles too. My desktop computers fan went out so I did put a new one in that day. I wanted to format my old laptop so I can get it sold but it was giving us problems. Joe messed with it for a while then just gave up cuz it wasn’t working and he was getting upset about it. So, I never got that done. I was going to format my desktop too cuz it has so much junk on it but didn’t get that done either. It stormed in the evening and the tornado sirens even went off. The first time there was a tornado sighted near a town about half hour away. It was headed towards Wichita like it might hit us so we got the cats and dog and headed for the basement. We stayed down for a while and kept an eye on the weather but it started heading north more so we just got a lot of rain, thunder and lightening. The tornado warnings were over so we went back upstairs and just watched TV. It was a pretty lazy day. Until we decided that we wanted to go out for a bit. Joe was hungry and didn’t want anything that was in the house and I had a craving for some chocolate chip cookies. Bad, I know! It was still pouring out but we went out and got in the car, it was about 9:15pm by this time. The street to get out onto the main street was flooded some but enough to get the car through OK. But the main street was really flooded. There was a few cars actually stalled and another truck was turning around. So, we turned around too. Tried another way and got to the street we were originally trying to get to and it was flooded even worse. We turned down a side street to go home and it was flooded so we had to go slow through it. We eventually made it home and switched to my truck cuz it was taller! Tried going another way (he wanted to go to Wendy’s so we were trying to get to it). We got to another side street and it wasn’t too bad until we realized the water was getting deeper and deeper. It was over the curb into people’s yards. We turned around again and went back to the first side street that we took back home. Got back onto the main street we were trying to get too and it was flooded too. There were several cars that were stalled out ahead of us and many people turning around so we did too. The only place we could get to was Dillon’s so we went in there instead. Of course the side we parked in they close the doors after a certain so we had to run down to the other entrance. Got what we wanted and came out. We started to run from the entrance we went in back to the closed one and it started hailing! They were small and didn’t last long though, thank goodness. It had also started raining harder while we were in the store. By the time we got back in my truck we were completely soaked! We headed back home and got back in around 10:00pm. So, it took about 45 mins to go about 2 miles. LOL It was pretty crazy but it was actually a lot of fun!
Well, I know this was long but we had a pretty interesting and fun weekend. Didn’t get what I wanted to done but oh well. There’s always next weekend. Oh wait…we’ll be going out of town next weekend! Our 3 yr anniversary is May 6th so we’re taking this Friday off and going to OKC for the weekend. We don’t have a whole lot of time and money so thought we’d go somewhere close and I’ve never actually spent much time in OKC so thought we’d give it a try….it’s supposed to rain there all week too!

Summer camping

Summer will be here soon. It is my favorite season. When I was younger my dad bought a small boat and we would go camping almost every weekend at the lake. I loved it. I learned to water ski and tube. My favorite was to ride the tube though. As we grew older the tube rides got a little crazier. It was basically whoever was driving the boat trying to throw me off the tube! This was not an easy task as I rarely fell off but when I did I would pull myself back up on it and go again. My crazy uncle was the most insane boat driver of them all. It felt like you were going about a 100mph behind that boat sometimes. You don’t just fall off the tube when he drives. You tumble, fast. I have also done back flips off the tube, my legs have landed on the rope and had tubes flip over while I was still on it. But I loved it. I could go all day long. But eventually, I started tubing less and less. As I got older and moved out on my own I would also gain weight and not be able to go to the lake as often as I wanted. We still take a week vacation in July and spend it at the lake. The last few years we have gone though I don’t even ski or tube anymore. When I do get up on the skis I can barely go for very long. I’d be exhausted and hurting in no time so I just quit skiing. Getting on the tube was a nightmare. I would have to drop myself onto it from the boat. And if I fell! They would have to pull the tube back to the boat, I would get in the boat and flop back into the tube. My arms didn’t have the strength to pull my weight back up on the tube in the water. Last year I didn’t tube or ski at all. It became to exhausting and troublesome for me to ride. I would just watch everyone else ski and now everyone has started wakeboarding and surfing. I want to try so bad but know I could never get myself up because I don’t have the strength anymore. My favorite past time became a distant memory of the past. My parents and there friends are 10-20 years older than me and have more fun at the lake than I do. This year will be different though. I have lost 19lbs so far and feel so much better already and I hope by July I will have lost more. I do strength training once or twice a week. This year I will be able to ski or tube! Maybe even try surfing or wakeboarding. I know I won’t do as well as when I was a kid or as well as any of my family but at least I can do it again. Then by this time next year my goal is to be able to enjoy the lake like I did when I was a kid. It’s still my favorite place to be but I want to be able to enjoy my time there like I used to. These are the reasons I am trying to lose weight. I want to do the things I used to do and go with my family on more trips to the lake, amusement parks or wherever they go! I will be happy and healthy again!

Feeling better

This week has been so much better. I don’t know what my problem was last week but I was just depressed. Maybe because I had missed going to the gym so much and hadn’t been eating well…I don’t know. Anyways, I’m back on track this week.
My work is actually doing a little contest for whoever loses the biggest percentage of weight between today and May 18th. The top 3 get a bottle of wine. I’m not really a wine drinker but thought I would join because I figured a little competition might make me work even harder to lose some weight. I did lose last week but it put me back to the weight I was at the week before. I guess that’s good though since I didn’t gain at least! So, we will see how I do – my starting weight is 232lbs…
Joe’s work is doing one also that they call Fit for life that’s sponsored by the YMCA. His boss volunteered him to join because the YMCA said they would give them a deal if they had one more team. He’s not too happy about it. Not because he would have to try and lose weight or anything. He’s been going to the gym with me once in a while and will eat whatever I make for dinner. But he hasn’t really been trying to lose weight like I have. He just doesn’t have time to weigh in and be measured whenever the YMCA wants them too. Oh well, maybe it will be good for him and he could win something if he does well! I got frustrated with Joe’s Mom the other night though. She asked me if he had lost any weight?!! Didn’t say anything to me! I’ve been working my ass off and know I’ve lost weight and nobody even notices. He barely does any work. Eats fast food every day at lunch and snacks on junk food and every body asks if he lost weight! ARGGG!!! Some days I just want to give up and have a big bowl of ice cream and a bunch of Oreos or just whatever sounds good that I haven’t eaten since November! But, I also want to lose this weight and be happy and healthy again so I continue on.

We had a nice thunder storm come through last Saturday evening. It was probably the worst we’ve had this year but no tornado threats - just a lot of rain, thunder and lightening. Our dog, Violet, is scared to death of thunder storms. We had gone out to meet Joe’s parents for dinner and go see the progress on the house they started having built so we put her in the garage while we were gone. She usually does better in there. Otherwise, she breaks her way out of the back yard. And I literally mean BREAK, because she breaks the pickets on the fence to get out. She doesn’t knock the picket out either she actually puts a hole in the fence. The vet gave us some pills to give her that calm her down but the weather is so unpredictable it’s hard to tell when to give her one or not. The forecast had said thunderstorms for several days and we never got one so didn’t really think it would on Saturday. Well, we had to hurry home to check on her. We brought her in and stayed in the rest of the night because the rain was coming down so hard we could barely see the road to drive home. She does fine when she’s inside with us. She’ll just lie down under the coffee table near us and sleep. The next day Joe went out to do something in the garage and noticed she did TRY to get out through the back door. It’s a metal door and she had destroyed all the wood around it and had started peeling back the top layer of the door! I don’t know how she’s never hurt and bleeding but she was just fine. I don’t really like giving her that medicine unless we know for sure there will be a storm while we’re out but we may have to start using it anyways.

So, the past week has been pretty tough. Last Thursday I was getting ready for work and went to reach for something on the headboard and just felt a sudden pain in my neck. I thought I just stretched too far or something but it wouldn’t go away. I sat at the end of the bed trying to see if I could work out the pain by rolling my head around and back and forth but it just hurt! Now, I’m not really a sissy when it comes to pain either – I can take it. I’ve got 3 tattoos and haven’t cried for any of them. I know, I haven’t been through childbirth or broken any bones but I’ve had my share of pain. Apparently my husband could tell something wasn’t right because he asked me what was wrong. Normally he doesn’t say much because he sleeps while I get ready in the morning. I told him my neck hurt and explained what happened. He said I might have pulled a muscle. I tried to continue getting ready for work but the pain was unbearable that I eventually sat back on the bed and started crying! I didn’t want to miss work but there was no way I could drive myself and he suggested I go to the doctor.
So, I reluctantly called in and then made an appt with the dr. His work is pretty flexible so he took me and she just said yeah you probably pulled the muscle. They gave me a shot in my hip, ouch! Which then also made my leg hurt. She also prescribed a muscle relaxer and said to take ibuprofen and put ice on it then the next day heat. Joe did have a meeting that morning so he had to rush back to work and I just went ahead and went with him since home was out of the way. I sat at this desk and played solitaire while waiting on the medication to kick in. It apparently did! His coworkers which are also some of our friends thought I was pretty goofy. Anyways, after his meeting we went and grabbed some lunch and he took me back home where I took more medicine then fell asleep on the couch. Needless to say my healthy eating and exercising all went out the window!
It took about 4 days before I finally started feeling better. Which also means for those days I did not go to the gym and I didn’t eat very well either and when I checked my weight one day I had gained 3lbs, ugh!!! On Monday I did start back to eating better – being at work helps so much because I’m on more of a schedule. Then Tuesday Joe and I took the dog for a walk because it was so nice outside. On Wednesday I went to the gym after work but my brother and his girlfriend wanted to have dinner so we went out to eat. That certainly didn’t help me any.
I know the only person to blame is myself? I don’t blame anyone else for making me go out to eat or pick the wrong kind of foods to eat. But, it’s been rough trying to eat better when it’s so easy to go get fast food or enjoy a restaurants food. I want to eat better for my health’s sake and to help me lose weight so I can enjoy life again. I miss water skiing and tubing or just generally being outside. I’ve gotten so lazy.
Today is hard for me emotionally for some reason (no it’s not PMS). I was fine really until lunch. I read an article about a woman who saved hundreds of young women from trafficking and realized how lame my life is. I haven’t accomplished anything in 28 years. I never finished college. I’m fat and lazy. I try to think of one feature that I love on my body but I just can’t find one. I really don’t know why I’m even writing a blog because I know nobody is reading it. I feel like if I leave my husband maybe he would be happier. He could find a woman that really makes him happy. Because most days I don’t feel like I do at all. I feel like he would rather have someone that could be his maid, chef and porn star but none of those are me – so why would he still be with me? I love him so much but one thing I will not compromise is who I am. If he can’t accept me for me then maybe he should move on….


I had a dream about him the other night. It’s been on my mind for the last couple of days because I just don’t know what it means. Maybe nothing but maybe more…

We were at the most beautiful place. It was like a rock quarry that divers go to and dive to sunken buses or whatever. But it was the clearest blue water you’ve ever seen. It was just a hole of water with a wall of rock surrounding us. Joe and I were swimming in the water when another woman came up and pulled him away. But I held on to him because I didn’t want him to go. She said something to him and he turned to me and repeated “what are you, my mother?” and I let him go. They started making out right there in front of me. I was heartbroken. He acted like I wasn’t even there and that he never cared for me. There was this tall rock tower in the middle of the quarry and I climbed to the top of it. I could still see them down there and they didn’t even notice me because they were obviously too busy. Another guy jumped off right before me and went feet first into the water but when he came up he said you don’t have time to slow down before hitting bottom. I’m sure if it wasn’t really a dream it would have broken his legs or killed him. But, I still wanted to jump…head first…and that’s when I woke up.

I really don’t know if dreams actually have meaning or not. But for some reason this one is really sticking with me and may be why I’m feeling so depressed the last few days. Does anyone have any thoughts about the meaning of dreams?? Another interesting note is that the woman was someone that we knew in high school. He has talked with her off and on since high school through myspace or yahoo messenger but not sure if they’ve talked in a while….

I finally hit a goal!
My goal was to lose 2lbs last week and I did it! A total of 19lbs so far! I didn't think I was going to make it because towards the end of the week I had pizza and went to Olive Garden on Saturday. But, I didn't over stuff myself on either of them. I started my goal in November as a certain amount to lose by July for our vacation we usually take. It just seemed too far away and I wasn't very motivated so I have changed it here and there. I have finally just decided to make my goal to lose 2 lbs a week. Hopefully, this will make me stick to it better and actually reach the goal each week. I know sometimes I may not but as long as I don't gain any I think that would be wonderful!

Although, I haven't started this week out so well. I just got too lazy yesterday and didn't make it to the gym. Then went to dinner with my in laws to celebrate the start of them building their first home together. I did decent and didn't over stuff my self that day either but it still wasn't all that good for me. I'm not necessarily on any "diet" but just trying to eat healthier. I have started eating at least 2-3 fruits and veggies a day. I also drink lots of water, maybe have a diet pepsi once a week. I take my lunch everyday, a sandwich and some kind of fruit or veggie. I have also cut way back on my chocolate and sweets. I have been craving chocolate so much this weekend though. I broke down and made some chocolate chip cookies today. ugh! They are soo good though. And I don't eat as many at a time that I used to would have. I wish I could make those cravings go away but I have a hard time with it. Most people say wait 15-20 mins and you'll forget about it but it just doesn't work for me. The longer I wait the more I want and more I'll eat. Oh well, just another challenge to overcome.

Have a great week!

My First Blog!

Well, this is the first blog I have ever written. English was never my best subject so I hope it’s not too terrible to read! I have started a new journey a few months ago of trying to lose some weight. I just recently started reading the blogs from the anti Jared and escape from obesity. I thought I would give it a try and maybe it would make me more accountable for my weight loss and hopefully help me lose more and eat better. So, this will be about my weight loss journey and whatever else I may want to blog about! First, I thought I would start with a little about my history…

I was born in Duncan, OK on Jan. 22, 81. I have a younger brother that was also born in Duncan on Dec. 15, 83. Our parents divorced when we were very young. So, young that I don’t even remember them ever being together. Which sometimes make me sad to think I missed out on enjoying them together but if they didn’t belong together in the first place maybe it was for the best?

Anyways, my brother and I are of the few families that were raised by a single Dad (Larry). I believe he is the greatest man in the world and I look up to him so much! We didn’t have a whole lot when we were younger because he struggled to work and pay the bills and keep us fed and it turns out Mom didn’t always pay child support. So, all I have to say is – it’s not always the Dad that’s not paying child support! Most of our time was spent with my grandparents (Dad’s parents – Loretta and Kenneth) on their farm which was about 45 minutes from Duncan. We would help grandpa feed the cows or just roam the many acres he had with their dogs Leo and Frost. When we weren’t there we spent time at our aunt and uncles (Lorane and Ken) with our cousin Daniel who is just 6 months younger than me. He was more like our brother though since we spend so much time together. The elementary we went to was about half a block from his house. Spending so much time with my brother, cousin and my dad I was definitely a tom boy…getting dirty on the farm, playing basketball with the boys, riding bikes or playing with hot wheels and legos. We rarely just sat and watched TV or played video games because we were so active outside so I was very thin when I was younger. We also spent time with my grandparents (Mom’s parents – Glynda and Bill) whenever we had a chance also. They lived in Duncan also and grandma loved to fish and grandpa loved to tell stories.

We moved to Dallas, TX and that was where I went to school in kindergarten while he was working but not sure exactly where. I don’t remember a whole lot about Dallas. The main thing that I do remember is trying to make a snowman one day and my brother, Dustin, packed the snow down flat every time he had the chance so I never did get very far! Then another time a waffle ball hit me and left marks on my face from the wholes on the ball! Fun times! Haha But I also remember it to be the year that our grandpa Bill passed away. He loved to smoke a pipe but that what took him in the end. I was young so I don’t remember much about him except he always had it with him. Grandma went on to live with a man name Don. He’s a grumpy old man but we love him! Hehe They never got married but they do live in the same house she has lived in since about the time I was born.

We moved back to Duncan for when I went to first grade and about half of 2nd grade until we moved to Wichita, KS. My dad took a job at Boeing. It was hard moving from our family but it was what we needed to do. I went to the rest of 2nd grade and 3rd grade at Peterson. Then 4th grade we moved to the south part of Wichita and I went to another school. For 5th grade, dad was laid off from Boeing so he went to Arizona for school to get his A&P license (I believe) and Dustin and I moved back to Duncan and lived with our grandparents on the farm. We drove into Duncan, yes 45 minutes every morning, to go back to the same school I went to before with Daniel. When dad got done he came back and got us and we moved back to Wichita because he took a job at Learjet. I went to Jardine for 6th and part of 7th grade until we moved back to the west side and I went to Wilbur for the rest of 7th and 8th grade. Finally, we were settled in a good place and my dad had an excellent job. So, I was able to go to Northwest high school all four years and graduate! Woohoo!

The whole time we lived in Wichita we would drive back and forth for weekends and holidays to Duncan to see our family. But, once I started working when I was 16 that changed a lot because I wasn’t able to go as much. Now, I rarely get to go. I have a full time job, married and have 2 cats and a dog. My brother is a few years younger than me and is dating a woman my age! It’s so funny but we love her and she is like part of the family.

Mom had gone on to marry a man named David. She was in the military and so was he. She had been in the Navy and then on to the army. They had a son named Michael so I also have a half brother but I’ve always thought of him as my Brother. We visited mom once in a while. She moved to Arizona and that is where Michael was born. We visited her then not long after he was born. She moved to California for a while and we visited for a month in the summer one year. I never did like David though. I don’t know if I ever really knew why for sure but there was just something I didn’t like. We didn’t’ see him that often so we didn’t know him very well. But, one day when mom came home to visit after being in boot camp, I realized why. It was one of the worst days of my life and I will never forget it. They were working in the garage at my grandparents when I heard them start yelling and a lot of noise going on. She came running in with him chasing her down. He had punched her in the head! She called 911 and not a few minutes later my grandparents and uncle (her brother Tony) got home. I remember lots of arguing and yelling. He wouldn’t leave. Don came out of the house with a shotgun! The police showed up and made him put it away or they were going to take him away too! He finally left but we found out it was not the first time he had hit her. She moved on though and married my now stepdad, Merron. He was also in the military and turns out she met him in boot camp that year. Which is probably what caused the fight in the garage is my guess? He has a daughter and a son that lived with their mother in Florida. Mom and Merron moved to Big Rock, TN so we may see them about once a year if that.

Anyways, that’s sort of a short version of my life. But what it brings me to now is about my weight loss. Like I said I was very active. We also spent a lot of time at the lake during the summer camping, skiing and tubing. But once I got out on my own, my weight has slowly climbed up! My heaviest was 251lbs. I started going to the gym and eating better in November of last year and have got down to 234lbs – 17lbs lost! I am feeling better already but don’t feel that 17lbs in 5 months is good enough. My goal was 2lbs a week and that is far from it. I have a long ways to go….

But I guess I’m going to end with that for today. If anyone did read my blog I hope they were able to stick with it and not be too bored! Hopefully future ones will be better. If you did read it – Thank you!